Hard around the holidays

I got pregnant in August and miscarried in October. It was a missed miscarriage, and ended up having a d&c on October 15th, of all days. Thanksgiving was really hard for me as i always dreamed about being pregnant for the holidays. Now here we are, right before Christmas and all my emotions are all stirred up again. I shouldn't say again, I should say its harder to control my emotions as all I want to do is cry and feel bad for myself. This would have been around the time I would have found out the sex of my baby, it's hard. I feel like a lot of people don't even realize that I'm still struggling with this. I'm 36, I'm not a "spring chicken ", i really thought this was my time to be a mother. Feeling sad and alone