Can’t get over miscarriage

I’ve written this elsewhere in a group about TTC after miscarriage. I’m finding everything so difficult, I just needed more help/opinions, so here it is:

I experienced a miscarriage on the 15th. I’m still bleeding and filled with cramps.

My partner seems to have found a good way to move on with himself. But I can’t move on, especially while still experiencing these symptoms.

It wasn’t a planned baby, so therefore my partner isn’t planning on trying again. But I’m so damn broken over this loss, planned or not. I was nearly 10 weeks and about to tell extended family & friends.

We’re only 19, so yes I do know we have plenty of time for kids, as everyone likes to keep reiterating, like it’d help me move on. I can’t help but wish my partner and I could try to conceive for another pregnancy. I was being so particular about my health, the obstetrician even said they’d never seen someone so proactive towards doing everything positive possible for the pregnancy.

My partner isn’t wanting to try because it wasn’t initially planned (we were using condoms and I was on the minipill) But I don’t know how I can move on with it now. For 3 months I was saving up every single cent and saving links to all different furniture & baby clothes/items.

My partner’s mum and my mum were so excited for this. My partner’s mum was diagnosed with uterine cancer 3 weeks before I miscarried, so the knowledge she was expecting a grandbaby was something which really helped her through.

Since the loss I’ve already spent off nearly all my money (savings included) and nearly overdosed on my prescription oxycodone because I was so depressed, it wasn’t an attempt on my life, I just knew it’d make me feel too drowsy and out-of-it to care about anything. I just honestly can’t manage myself knowing I’ve lost something like this and that I can’t even try again for years.

I’d been in childcare for infants for nearly 3 years, I work in a infant and child clothing/supplies store, I’m so family oriented and maternal, which makes it so much harder.

Not sure what to even do with myself at this point.