Last night was brutal for me. So I had my 5th kiddo on January 11th 10 weeks early due to Preeclampsia. He is in the NICU, I spend my days at the hospital and my nights at home.

I pumped every 2 hours all day yesterday and got only 20mL of breast milk total, this was the start of my down slide. Each time I pumped I got less and less. Feeling defeated I made dinner and started laundry.

We had dinner I pumped again and again... nothing. I put my old kids to bed at 8:30 par normal. Put dinner away did dishes, played Civ 6 with my husband pumped ever 2 hours still nothing.

About midnight I hear a groan from my sons room and I walk in to find my 9 year old having a seizure (not abnormal he has epilepsy and special needs) I talk him through it and he goes back to bed all normal stuff.

I go to fold the laundry and low and behold I never turned on the dryer.... I broke down. I ran to the bathroom and cried next to the tub.

One of my babies can’t be home with me, one of my babies deals with seizure on almost a daily basis, and I can’t even do the laundry right any more. I am breaking down. Sometimes I wonder why I even thought I would be a successful mother when it seems my kids suffer for my lack of ability to maintain.

I can’t save my kid from seizures and I can’t even produce milk for my baby that needs it....