I sometimes wonder if i made it all up

I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship about 7 months ago (together 3 years). I stopped talking to him and ignored him starting a week ago but he keeps calling and leaving voicemails. I gave in yesterday and today and called him back, I know I shouldn't have but I was like I'm strong now, I'm changing my number on Saturday so let's entertain it. Wrong thing to do. But when I talk to him or when I think back on our relationship someone's I wonder if I made it all up it I wonder if I was actually the one in the wrong our entire relationship. But he was the one that spit in my face, called me names, told me to kill myself, and threatened to kill me. How do I even think that I wasn't in the wrong? How do I stop thinking like this? I feel so weak, sad, angry and stupid.