So. I don't usually get super personal on stuff like this. But, maybe my little story can help someone else.

February 4th, 2018..... Easily one of the scariest days of my life. That day was the day I stopped procrastinating and ignoring my symptoms and took a pregnancy test. I was terrified. While waiting for it to process, I kept thinking... "What would I do?", "Where would I go?", "How can I do this?"....and some more negative thoughts. Then finally, a positive test. I had a complete and utter meltdown. So confused. So lost. All I kept thinking was that people are usually so elated to see a positive test! Especially women who are married! But I felt very negative towards this. I felt 16 and pregnant. But I had to come out of my funk, with the help of my husband, and realize that no, I am 23, happily married, and have lots of support through this. Now that didn't come easy. It took me a good couple weeks to get through that.

My pregnancy was ROUGH. Physically and Mentally. My first trimester I was so sick I lost 35lbs from not eating or drinking anything for days at a time. It got so bad that I actually passed out while holding a ultrasound machine for the vet while he was doing back injections! (Still sorry José!) I guess that's

one way for everyone you work with to find out you are pregnant! 😂 My second trimester was full of depression, anxiety attacks, and more extremely negative thoughts. I wasn't myself AT ALL. The four thoughts going through my head on repeat were....

"You should be happy! Your body is doing a wonderful thing!"

" A lot of women are struggling to be able to do this. Be grateful!"

"Why am I not happy? Everyone else is a lot happier than I am about this"

"Am I ever going to be able to do what I want to do again?"

Those thoughts lasted until the day he was born. Truthfully I never really had super happy thoughts about the whole thing. I was a miserable pregnant lady. It was not a glowing and happy pregnancy.

Then the worst and best day ever came. The day I was induced! I had so much built up anxiety about labor. I was again, terrified. But little did I know I would not only do something so amazing (I still can't believe it). It was like as soon as he was out, I felt like myself again. It was a whirlwind of emotions and it's hard to explain. Now I could be like most people and say "As soon as I had him in my arms, I felt a love like no other". I didn't. I was mostly in disbelief that I just created and birthed a HUMAN. I really didn't feel the overwhelming love feeling until about 3 weeks in. That's when I felt like... God just gave me what I needed in life.... A best friend, a good distraction, a son. I never thought I'd be where I am now. I guess that's how life goes! Now I have this goofy, smiley, squish in my life ❤️