trigger warning

so i’m 14 and i am not trying to self diagnose or anything but i am depressed. i have felt this way for almost a year, i have no joy in anything i used to do, my grades have dropped, i don’t take pride in anything, i don’t care for myself anymore and i have been cutting since around may. my mom (who i live with) always talks terribly about me and how i need to “suck it up” and she always threatens to take me to a doctor. i actually wouldn’t mind. i know i need help. recently she found out about me cutting and she was very angry. “ is your life really that bad?” “what kind of attention are you looking for” are the kinds of things she says. she says things like that all the time. i have done competition cheer all my life, i really feel a sense of dread thinking about next season. i can barely make myself get out of bed some days but cheer is the only thing that distracts me from my mom. so if i cheer i’ll have to get a physical and that means theyll see my scars (which wouldn’t be terrible but they might take me away from her and i don’t want to live in a girls home) what do i do?????