I’m a toxic girlfriend

Recently I’ve realised how toxic I am to my boyfriend. I’m suffering from suicidal thoughts / behaviours, anxiety and possible PTSD. Sometimes I’ll find myself taking out all my stress on my boyfriend by being ‘off’ with him or getting very easily irritated with him, even when he hasn’t really done anything wrong. I’m unable to properly communicate what’s going on in my head so I know he’s confused about what I’m going through and I feel so bad. I’ve tried to stop but when I’m in a low / anxious mood I feel like I can’t control the things I’m doing and I just come across like a huge bitch.