I feel horrible..

Last night I had a mental breakdown.

And I feel horrible about it.

It was 1am and I’m on BC and I feel great. The past month has been a lot of medical procedures for me and my BC was making me spot. So sex was the least of our thoughts lately. But last night I was ready . I’ve been struggling with self esteem issues lately. And last night I felt great. But I was scared to ask my fiancé . Because he always says no.

And when he wants to even if I’m not in the mood he’ll keep going until I do it. Which I don’t mind I usually will 🤷🏼‍♀️ but last night he hurt my feelings.

This new BC must have my hormones crazy because what he did next had me crying for two hours . Waking him up to tell him how I felt like 4 times . I was just hurt.

So this is what he did.

I’m excited. I feel good. I’m ready for dick but I can’t tell him because he’ll say no. So I ask for him to cuddle and usually that gets him. So finally he’s cuddling me.’and towards the end he starts to poke me with his dick on my ass like his raw dick so I was like

Finally it worked . I was feeling good I was getting excited . And he put his dick up and rolled over and fell asleep within seconds.

I just sat there. I was so upset.. i never feel as i can turn him on anymore since I gained weight . I felt great. And he teased me. And no sex is not the only thing I worry about . We go a long time without sex but when you feel so good about yourself and haven’t felt that way in a while. And your fiancé teases you.

I know my hormones are all over the place because it’s my first week of BC, end of the first week and i cried for two hours. Not just because he teased me but it made me want to go back in a shell I was finally getting out of. I kept waking him up to tell him he hurt my feelings . I didn’t go to bed till like 3 and I kept telling myself to just shake it off and go to bed but no I kept crying and kept feeling bad about myself . Finally fell asleep around 3 but now he’s aggravated with me and I don’t blame him but it was like I was upset but my hormones x10000 on that .

But yeah I feel pretty bad about it.