Overwhelmed

Y’all, I need help. I’m getting married next Saturday and I’m freaking out. My house is a cluttered mess, the floors desperately need cleaned (2 dogs have been sick the past two days and the carpets are stained beyond repair at this point), I’m working 50+ hours a week, full time student, trying to finish all the last minute wedding stuff, and dealing with depression.

One sister has two beautiful babies, the other just found out she’s expecting (possibly multiples), and I’m the oldest and no babies so far. I was widowed at 24 and am now marrying my soulmate at almost 32.

I’m terrified that I won’t be able to have kids of my own. I’m terrified that my window has passed. I have PCOS and my mother’s side has a history of precancerous issues after 35. My window of creating a family seems to get smaller by the day.

I’m feeling so overwhelmed with everything on my plate and depression and anxiety are in high gear. I don’t know how to get all the thoughts in my head to stop so I can regroup and get myself together. I don’t know how to explain to my fiancé that my brain feels like a web browser that has far too many tabs open. If I could get all of the thoughts in my brain out and onto a white board, I might be able to start crossing things off but it seems like every list I make gets longer and nothing gets taken off.

Just needed a place to vent. Trying to breathe through it and get my brain to quiet so I can sleep tonight. Tomorrow has to be a better day.