I hate myself for this. Baby is 6 weeks. She’s been a relatively easy baby except for her poops. She got super constipated and has pain when she tries to push. But when she cries I feel an overwhelming hatred for her. More often than not I have to lay her in a safe place and leave for a few minutes to keep myself from acting on the terrible urges that I have to hurt her. I’ve gone to the doctor. I have sever PPD and anxiety. He also suspects postpartum psychosis. They’re leaning towards putting me in an inpatient program at the hospital because they’re not confident that I’ll be able to stop myself all of the time. I look for every opportunity to pass baby off. When she cries and there’s others around, I don’t move. I wait until they get up to get her. I just have no love for her at all. I feel like a complete monster.

Update——

Baby is now 6months. I got the inpatient help I NEEDED! It’s been a rough road but guys I am so much better. My OB passed me off to a psychotherapist and psychiatrist because I was too sever for him to treat. It was then that I got the full help I needed. My daughter Charlie is the most beautiful little girl. Thank you all SO MUCH for all of the encouragement and advice. I appreciate it more than I can express. ❤️ below is Charlie’s “1/2 way there” 6 month picture. 🥰