Long distance relationships

I have never done one of these posts so I don’t know how to start this but uh. I HAVE A DILEMA. 🙄I started seeing this guy in Colombia. I’m half Colombian and I just came back from a trip from seeing my family. I know Colombia 🇨🇴very well and I go out quite often. It’s basically my second home. Anyways. I meet this guy and within a week we are madly in love with each other convinced each are soul mates✨ and he even presents me to his mom and dad and his future wife. ♥️We spend two weeks together- inseparable! All my life I told myself that if I find the one- no matter how old I am I am going to settle down and get married and have kids. But look- I just turned 21. 🥂And I just came back to the US and now I’m feeling like. There’s so much more for me to live. 🦋And what if he’s not the one. Granted, he’s sweet, a total gentleman, intelligent. Yes we all have flaws- like he plays too many video games for my liking, keeps the toilet seat up and doesn’t know how to do laundry- and doesn’t really dress well... but oh well those are little things. And I have never cheated on anyone. 😣And always was disgusted by other people who would do it. And of course 🙄 I run into my ex and the next thing you know we are cuddling. (I’m not on bad terms with any of my ex’s) but in other words I feel like an absolute piece of shit. I talk to my Colombian lover the next day and for two hours 😫I’m telling him I’m a bad person, I’m not the one for him. And we need to break up before I hurt him. And he is still convinced we are soul mates. He starts crying. I start crying. It’s a mess. 4 days later and another one night stand I can’t help but to feel disgusted with myself and still trying to break up with him. 😔 I keep seeing 333💕 everywhere and I have been on this journey with spirituality for the past year so I don’t know how to cope. I feel like I’ve lost myself. Tossed away my morality. And I’m just on survival mode again. 🤯 my equilibrium is off. I feel so terrible. Help?