Ldr breakup help(it's long, sorry)

I was in a long distance relationship for three months, and it ended nearly three months ago. It sucks because I was never able to get that final goodbye. I'll also never know the truth behind everything. We didn't know how to talk to each other because our egos kept getting in the way. If I ever saw him, I would slap him across the face but then I'd kiss him right afterwards. It's like I can't move on because I don't have the answers as to what happened on his end. I don't know what went through his mind because he shuts me out. During every argument he brought up old points and it drives me insane, by the end of the relationship, it felt like an excuse to get rid of me. I can't talk to him because he won't respond to my texts and I just don't know what to do to move on. He was my first proper love. And no matter how shitty he may sound, he wasn't. I'll always respect him and some part of me will always love him. I just don't know how to move past all this because from the last message he sent me, he's 110% done with me. I keep hanging on to the hope that he'll text me one day just to even be friends. I loved our conversations as friends more than as a couple. They were carefree, the were flirty, they didn't have as many fights. I'm just so stuck I don't know what to do. Can anyone help girl out??