Need to vent

I need to vent and have no one that I can do that to. I'm gonna keep this anonymous because I'm sure there's gonna be some backlash, but if you do leave a kind response just know I'm thankful for it. So here it goes...

We're pregnant with number 2. It took about 5 months with our son who is not just over 1 1/2. It took 8+ months with this one and I thought it'd never happen so I was thrilled. But the thing is, I have never pictured myself raising boys. I was shocked when our first was a boy but I got over it because I just knew the next would be a girl and we'd have the perfect little family. My son is my world and I can't imagine him any other way. Anyways, I was so excited to find out the gender so we took a sneak peek blood test and got the results back today. It said... boy. 😭 and here's where the backlash probably starts. I don't want another boy. I hate boy names and boy clothes, I just want a girl. I want glitter and bows and my own little mini me. Mostly, I feel like I'll never be able to love another a boy the way I do my oldest. And I feel I'm mourning the daughter I never had. Ive had my daughted named for 10 years and I can see her little face in my head. I'm hoping and praying that I contaminated that test somehow. Every old wives tale and gender predictor that was right about my son has said girl for this little one. And I know if that test was right, I'll never have a little girl of my own. This was my last chance. I want so badly to be happy no matter what gender this baby is, but I can't right now. Whether you are a prayer or send good vibes type of person, I need it right now. I need to be able to accept whatever this little one is and to not spend my days bawling my eyes out like I have today. If you've read this whole thing, thank you. This mama's heart just hurts right now 😔