A poem I wrote

Never Ending Story

When it first happened I felt a piece of my heart fall away...

You tried your hardest to find it and put it back...

When it first happened I knew that piece was long gone...

But my heart wasn’t ready to let go of you...

When it first happened I felt hurt I’d never thought would feel...

You said “I’m sorry it really meant nothing”...

When it first happened I knew that was a lie, it always means something...

But I had to stop dwelling because you wouldn’t budge...

So I moved on knowing that piece of my fragile heart would be forever gone.

When it happened the second time a larger piece broke off...

You were caught off guard and I saw it in your eyes the lies you were forming...

When it happened the second time I knew from then on I could no longer trust you...

But you promised “It was just a passing thought”...

When it happened the second time I could remember the first, and my heart physically ached...

You finally admitted that it DID mean something that first time, I already knew that...

When it happened the second time my heart began to build a wall...

But we have a family and I have to learn to forgive, because I’m dumb and I loved you too much...

So I moved on knowing things might never be the same, and slowly but surely growing a wall to protect me from you.

Then it happened a third time...

My heart feels too much pain...

Then it happened a third time...

I wish I could look at you the same...

Then it happened a third time...

You hurt me again...

Then it happened a third time...

When will this end?...

Then it happened a third time...

Are we supposed to just keep moving on? Like you didn’t just entirely crush me?

I guess we do....

My heart aches...

When I look into your eyes...

When I hear you say my name...

My heart aches...

When I hear “I love you” from your lying lips...

When you tell me I’m beautiful though eyes that crave other women...

My heart aches...

Knowing I don’t look like them...

Knowing I’m not what you enjoy to see...

My heart aches...

When I tell myself “I hope Lani can find better, so she doesn’t feel this pain.”

When I tell myself “Don’t accept his apology, he’ll only you again”

My heart aches...

When I tell myself I’m not good enough...

I’m not pretty enough...

I’m not THICC enough...

I’m not enough...

My heart aches...

Because I’m always waiting for it to happen again...

Because I can never trust you again...

My heart aches...

Because maybe one day I’ll become so numb it won’t hurt anymore...

Or maybe one day you’ll have finally lost me...

My heart aches...

From just the thought of

You hurting me...

Again...

And..

Again...

And..

Again...

And......

-ZE

This is my current relationship... I hurt a lot and writing helps me a lot... idk if I will ever show my husband because “I need to move on” from all the this pain he’s left me with... leave me your thoughts?