Just want to vent😔

So lately I haven’t been feeling like myself and I just feel alone. When I try to talk to people they make it seem like my feelings are a problem and make it seem like they don’t care. Last night I was sitting by myself outside and was thinking “what do I want for myself”? And I swear nothing came up to mind. I’m always so worried about how other people feel and want that I don’t think about how I feel and what I want. Nobody asks me if I’m really okay or if I need anything I’m always the one looking out for people and it’s mentally tiring. In the past I’ve dealt with depression and very bad anxiety and a lot just happened. I even almost committed suicide because no matter how hard I tried to make people proud of me I would always seemed to be a failure and it sucked more knowing that my parents treated me like shit and never supported me. My dad left when I was 7 and my mom became toxic since he left. She would beat me and use me as her little maid. I was always cleaning and taking care of my 2 siblings while she would go out and party. I even got DHs involved because at 13 years old I was fearing for my life because of my mom. I don’t know why but I go through the most shit ! Nobody would never understand how I feel ! Today I am grateful because at least I’m not in the streets but it’s not the same when you’re all alone. I cried every night because of all the thoughts that go running through my mind. I just wish I could go back in time and do everything over