8 months postpartum...is how I’m feeling normal?

I’m 8 months postpartum and I feel completely exhausted to the point where I have zero motivation. Very odd days I feel good and I get a lot done, but that’s very rare. Most days I laze around all day. I want to play with my son but I just can’t. I would rather cook, clean, or sit on my phone when he’s awake, and when he’s sleeping I lay on the couch and watch tv or go on my phone. I feel like such a horrible mother.

I want a clean house. I want to be organized. I want to work so we can buy a home. I want to be that perfect wife/mother that has dinner made right when husband comes home, that I made while the baby was sleeping. I want to have the energy to do these things but I just don’t.

I promise I have good intentions. I love my son and want to enjoy this time with him and spend as much time doing things with him, and I feel so horrible that I’m not. I want to buy things to do sensory things with him but I’m constantly worried about money. I want to buy things to clean all natural, but again worried about money. I add things to my cart and then delete them 10 times a day.

Lately I have been very irritable and emotional and not wanting to do normal things. I don’t want to leave my home. I feel too lazy too if that makes sense? I constantly have headaches.

Is this normal? What can I do to get out of this slump I’m in? I see all my friends on social media with a clean decorated house (my home isn’t even decorated!!!) I see people doing all these activities with their babies/kids that I want to do but just don’t have the motivation to do it and I have a problem with buying things lol; I literally stress about money. I just see them looking like it’s so easy...but I find this shit so hard. I’m so tired and I feel guilty that I’m hardly doing things with my son.