When is it actual depression?

I’m a stay at home mom so you can imagine I have many ups and downs. We are currently ttc#3 and have had no luck for over a year. I also have pcos. First round of clomid has failed. My kids are 6 and 10 so it’s a fun, yet stressful life. My husband luckily has a pretty flexible schedule so we get to see each other a lot. The problem is we used to be soooo in love (we still are) but idk how to show it recently. I just feel numb and dead Inside. I’m not the person I was even 6 months ago. I was very outgoing and would joke constantly with my husband. We were very inseparable. We had one of those dream relationships everyone wants. He’s literally a perfect husband and best friend, but I don’t feel like I’m reciprocating anymore. I really want to be the person I was, but I stress constantly about every little thing that needs to be done around the house, the kids events and school work, anything and everything. My husband helps me out as much as anyone could so there’s no issues there. He basically begs me to hang out with him when he’s home. He’s constantly giving me affection but I don’t give it back too often. He’s always asking “is everything okay?” And I just wanna scream “NO ITS NOT OKAY!” But there’s no use. Idk why I feel this way. I guess it’s just a mix of everything going on in my life, and to top it off, my mom passed away two weeks ago a day before her birthday and retirement. It was very unexpected and sudden and I didn’t get to say goodbye or even see her in several months. I have to force myself to get out of bed everyday and try to act normal. I’m not like one of those women on the depression commercials dragging their feet and looking worn out but I’m def not feeling “normal” these days. My brothers and mother were on antidepressants their whole adult lives and I’ve seen all of them spiral. So many ups and downs so naturally I’m so afraid of drugs. To the point where I pretty much refuse. I’m afraid of how they’ll change me. My mom was also in the medical field so I know a good bit about medications and their potential side effects. Idk of this is a fluke thing happening to me or if I’ve changed and I’ll never get better or even worse, well.....get worse. I want to give my husband and kids the attention and love they all deserve but it takes everything I have in me to even do what I do now and I don’t have an explanation to give to anyone. Is this real depression or am I just in a bad spot? Sorry for the long story but i don’t have anyone else to talk to right now. Thanks, guys.