How tf do you love yourself (Or learn to)

I have never had a good relationship with myself. To this day the person I hate the most is me, to the point where I hate looking in the mirror and want to break it when I do. I'm not bad looking, I just have this deep seated self hatred and self sabotage that nothing can ever seem to fix. It's caused me to be dangerously promiscuous, to put myself in really bad situations with men, destroyed friendships and put me into serious suicidal thoughts and intentions. I think at this point I've given up? Gone as far as I can go in life. I'll never leave my family home, never get married, never truly LIVE. And I don't want this bleak future but it seems unavoidable. I feel like it's too late for me. I want to at least like myself but I just get so disgusted at what I've done that I bury my feelings. I can't go to therapy because I have no insurance so idk what to do.