I need some mental help

So here is the thing I dont have money to get put back on meds yet but my problem is that I get so mad so easy and I yell at my husband for almost no reason then my depression kicks in and i get suicidal and it is just an awful situation. I need a way to stop getting so mad and just relax so I can have a good marriage. When I get mad it is like nothing can stop it like I can see what I am doing and I dont want to but I cant do anything to stop it. I need a way to not do that!