No words give me yours?

I didn't know

I didn't tell a soul

Later on something went on

Humiliated and ashamed

I blamed myself

until one day I was told

Dont hide it anymore.

It took all I had I thought it couldn't be as bad

than hiding I was sad and having to run from the bad

Scared and ashamed I felt blamed

No words after

knowing what id been through they said nothing

After feeling so helpless and alone

I rebelled

Even knowing what id been through

they didn't care

I hurt

They hated

A cry for help then a cry of hurt

Looking for a friend I never found

I got lost

I was found

And then beaten to the ground

Why theyd ask we've given you everything

The ungrateful bitch I was

I saw the hate in their eyes

-p

I was touched by a cousin when I was around 4yrs then time went by and later in a family reunion at the age of 10 or 11 egged on to drink by all I got drunk a bit after I remember having bottles pushed in my mouth by that cousin that later in the night when all were drunk and asleep crept up to me and did horrible things to my while I could bearly push him away to this day I blame myself for drinking+being raped

The guilt and thought of telling my parents kept me quiet for years after I was constantly forced to visit this persons house having to see the grin on his face I forced myself to tell my parents after a friend that I told told me to speak up beafore it could happen again and I did. I kind of wish I didn't

I told my mother just like this

Me: he raped me

Her: really???

That was it next thing I know she is on the phone with her sister (his mother)

She then told me she wants to speak with you (all this with no sign of emotion from my mom) I speak to her she asks what did he do?? I say he raped me she then asks how?? And I just break down give my mother the phone and lock myself in my room crying after this nothing else was said ( I was 13) I then started feeleing alone super helpless and stupid for telling her I blamed myself even more. I started hating my family and started to get into fights in school. After getting suspended too many times I was sent to an alternative school for bad kids. There I found gangs that said I could join their family some of them even promised me revenge on the pervert I felt protected. But there came the fights with my parents the fist closed beatings from my dad and all while the system made to protect me faild me when he beat me and I hit back they would call the cops and threw me in juvy oh so many times I would tell the cops hed hit me first and all they saw was a long criminal record and a gangmember in this I took on drugs and running away to get away from it all. At 15 after so many arrests I was told I would be locked up for 2 years next time. That day I decided to change I droped out of school to leave the gangs and drugs behind decided to get a job and and worked for my very first goal a car. There one day after work my father picked me up. Drunk and high he drove of into the woods calling me a digrace and a devil saying he would kill me and burry my body in those woods he began to choke me and I almost lost conciense I began to pray and after I regaind strength I kicked him something the clicked in him I thank God and he drives home next day I leave to work and then after a female co worker invites me to drink with her after work I only acept to not go home to my father that day. The next morning I show up and tell my mother what hed done, of course she doesn't believe me. there I met my first child's father I practically lived at their home until we made it official and moved to Juarez mexico with all of my parents support of course I felt they did it just to get rid of me. He didn't work he just randomly brought in money not even a moth went by he started hitting me making me feel even more worthless he would tell me I had no where to go that my parents didn't love me so I acepted that as my life until I got pregnate I would try to leave and after beaing in my parents home a couple of days I would go back all while my child was born and on mothers day morning (my baby was 3 about 2 mo)I decide finally to leave for my baby I knew I couldn't be at my parents home long so after not finding a job and wanting to put as much distance from him as I could I decide to leave the state to work at another family members detailing shop as he would let me have my baby there but the pay was 20$ a car and I couldn't afford the rent I met my now husband and also quickly moved in with him also to not have to got back to parents home I was17)thats when things started to feel a bit better we both got good jobs rented a home he loves my baby but at first a was very edgy and if he would get close during an argument I would strike we had to separate for about 6 no then got back together and I got pregnate things between him and I got worse I found out he cheated after I had our baby but we were in church couple gruops that helped us out a ton we quickly overcame the aggressiveness but the remaining problem is him looking up girls and me with trust issues it's been a month since anything has gone wrong and I am now a sahm of 2 boys 3yrs and 1yr but I feel depressed still and diconected from alot and I doesn't help that we just moved again and lost connection with the people in our church I feel super stressed and am trying to pin point what is making me feel this way but theres so much I dont know what could make me feel this way I also kind of suspect ppd bc my hormones when I am pregnate make me go crazy I am now 20