Am I right for being angry at this?

Question

I delivered my stillborn son last night. We got home from the hospital this morning. I’ve been a blubbering mess all day holding my sons things. My partner now decides that he wants to go out drinking with his friends. I was invited to go but said I can’t and don’t want to because I’m having heavy bleeding and painful cramps. I feel like he shouldn’t be going out right now? Like I don’t know if that’s just me but shouldn’t we be together mourning our son? It feels like this hasn’t even phased him one bit. He didn’t even cry at the hospital or show any sort of emotion and now this.... I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Answer

He may need to go have a drink with friends to decompress and talk things out with someone else because he doesn't know if talking about it with you would be more upsetting to you.. . However I 100% would feel the same way you do in every way so being angry is ok

Answer

1000% he should be with you during this time.  I’m sure he is trying to cope himself - and it sounds like he may still not feel that your situation is real - but you need support right now. Your body and emotional state must feel turned upside down. If he does leave, call a friend or family member for support.  You shouldn’t have to feel like you are going through this alone.

Answer

Being angry is okay but talk to him about it. He may have been trying to be strong for you and felt like he needed to go out to get a drink because that’s how he is grieving. Let him know exactly how you feel.

Answer

People grieve differently. What works for you probably doesn't work for him. Maybe he needs a drink to get his mind off of things.
My husband responds to grief in a totally different way than me. He processes it a lot easier and moves on where as I need to cry all of my emotions out.
You have a right to be angry but talk to him. You're both hurting and the last thing you want to do is make him feel guilty for how he deals with things.

Answer

That is so selfish it’s disgusting. You both just had a major loss and you had to physically endure it all so it’s even more so awful for you. And he’s leaving you alone?! There is no excuse for his bad behavior of leaving you during this time unless his leaving to go grieve includes therapy and not a bar.

Answer

I dont want to compare what I'm about to say to what you have e been there because I totally understand the diffrence..with that being said I had 1 ectopic and 2 mc after.  My husband cried the first time n stayed with me in the hospital. .the 2 mc I felt like he had no emotion didn't ask how I felt didint care I cried nothing..all he did was drank with his cousins and we never really talked about it.. I'm now 19w pregnant and whenever he feels worried he hugs me Nd tells me he was sad he just didint know how to show it because I was so sad.. he told me it bothered him the most that there was nothing he could do or say to make me feel better so he stayed silent.... men cope differently...I can see why you would be angry I was angry when my husband went to drink... but understand mabey he just doesn't know how to let it out.  But mabey in a day a week or even in a year from now it's all going to come out n your going to feel so overwhelmed because I'm sure right now u think he does not care  .. no parent should have to experience the loss of a child and I'm sorry your going threw this. I wish u the best healing possible and a healthy pregnancy whenever you decide the time is right

Answer

Yes he should be with you but also everyone grieves differently and maybe he hasnt cried because it hasn't actually hit him!! I would give him the night and not get to upset because he is probably in the same amount of pain as you just handling it differently!! I am so sorry for your loss!!!

Answer

I understand he needs to decompress, but right now he needs to be home with you. I would not be okay with him leaving now. I'd talk to him, explain what you are going trough and tell him you need him there. That you understand he needs to have a drink with friends and decompress, deal with all of this in his own way too, but not right now. Now you need him home.

Answer

I would be very upset also , it was selfish for him to leave you in a time like this . But then again maybe that’s his way to grieve , did he say anything about needing some time to talk to his friend? It wasn’t like a let’s party type of thing ? I get your feeling upset , maybe you both need to talk about it and share your feelings.

Am I right for being angry at this?

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