I was debating if i should post this because, who are we kidding: my brain does the job of telling me “why would anyone care about what you’ve got to say?”

Anyway, here it is: To explain a little bit more about us, we work opposite shifts in retail jobs (I work overnight and he works days) and basically have no spare money to spend, also for the past month or so we haven’t had alone adult time because his baby is with us most of the time and every weekend and I’m also a college student, although I am on summer break now. This is an issue that it’s been eating me away. I have been vocal about it but his baby momma is not the best, she doesn’t care about anyone but herself including their baby. Meaning that he has to step up in order to make sure his little girl has a happy life, which I completely understand and I’m actually happy that he is a responsible father who wants to be present for his daughter, I didn’t have one of those.

The question is: My fiancé asked this morning if I wanted to go to the mall with him after he gets out of work to spend some time together away from home and because he doesn’t have his baby until the following day. And my first thought was: well, why are we going to the mall if we’re can’t afford to spend any money? It saddens and stresses me out more than I already am to see all this things I’d want but can’t buy.

I know it sounds silly and maybe immature of me because he’s clearly trying to go out and spend time together but I’m in tears as I write this because it’s causing me pain and I don’t understand why.

I really love him, he’s been nothing but good to me but I cannot see or feel anything past my self pity and hatred.

Does this happen to anyone else or am I just truly just a basket case?

PD: I apologize ahead of time for the grammar errors, English isn’t my first language.