Another baby?

After having my girl I was seriously not thinking about having another.......like ever...then she started to outgrow things; and I realized I’m not ready to get rid of anything in case we do have another girl. It’s sad, putting things away but I’m packing them away; lovingly and excited to use them again in the future.

One glass of wine has thinking. Do I want another? I got pregnant six months into trying and I always pictured it would be a generally easy pregnancy. People had me thinking I was insane,telling me how I was feeling is all just apart of the process. I would of probably complained a lot more had I known

it wasn’t and if they knew my experience was different from their own. I found out as I got further along it wasn’t. I know it could of been a lot worse but these things have never happened to anyone I know. Even after learning about the complications, I was worried but not really scared. GD seems manageable....preeclampsia is a lot more scary.

My situation lined up; I was already where I needed to be when I learned what was happing and all because of a feeling that something was different that day. Eye floaters, not blood pressure. I never once had high blood pressure and I never read that is was something to look out for but I mentioned it...it was sudden and didn’t seem right. After ignoring my discomfort for so long and not wanting to sound like a complainer, I told them anyway...and it was luckily enough for them to want to check my blood. It’s the sign that helped me be admitted. The feeling is hard to explain. My doctor explained it is likely I would develop GD again but preeclampsia isn’t certain to happen again; but I know they tend to go hand in hand.

Long story short; my little girl entered the world one month before her due date by induction and delivered vaginally and we were “blessed” with a healthy little girl. She only stayed in NICU for two nights because of her gestational age and nothing beyond that. She was completely healthy and thriving. “Blessed” only bc I am not one to be religious but reading about all these preemies and the things their parents go though, I truly do not have another way to describe just how lucky we were. At the time I didn’t know just how bad it could of turned out.

My point is.....

Do I want to risk putting myself though that again and put a baby at risk? Do I want to risk knowing it is likely to happen again? I don’t know. Everyone thinks I do. It may not turn out as well as it did with my lo and it really did take so much out of me....a lot of women don’t think about having another right away but knowing that your at higher risk for complications seems to force me to really think about it...like really think; and not in idk maybe one day manner.

A second pregnancy would likely automatically mean seeing a high risk doctor, as told to me by my current ob. Its like I’m planing to setoff a controlled fire.

I want another. I do, even with all the spurts and leaps and all the crying, witching hours, and just generally trying to figure out parenthood .....But I never thought I would actually be more scared thinking about having the second one than with the first.