Actually fucking done rant

I need to rant because I’m gonna loose my mind.

I’m 34 weeks pregnant. My pregnancy has been high risk, from the start it has been H E L L. I’m on so much medications, constantly in pain. I am hardly making it. I have two kids from rape when I was 14.

I met my “SO” and he took my kids in, they fell in love with him and he was SO perfect to them. I thought I found my happily ever after. Till he left me when I was 26 weeks with his first son. He left with not one word. Blocked me on everything and that’s all I knew. I showed up at his house to get answers of course and his family called the cops on me. Why? I have not one single clue. Till I found out he was on over 10+ hook up/dating apps. Ha. I got severely depressed. My doctor put me on two antidepressants , I spent 4 days in the hospital for therapy that week. The next week I was going to the ER almost every other night from not eating/drinking. The baby wasn’t doing good. I wasn’t either.

Finally I snapped out of it. For my unborn and my kids. Two weeks after he left I said FUCK THIS. My babies need a strong mom, the next 4 weeks things were getting better. I was feeling better as the days went by. I took it one hour at a time.

..

Then he came back. He came back 6 weeks after he left.

And realized what he did was wrong, wanted to make our family work, blah blah blah. Found out he slept with half the city during those 6 weeks.

I took him back, yes. In the moment I thought loosing him was the end of the world. Mentally I was NOT in a good headspace. The day he came back I Slept with him once, and just like that it hit me hard. After I slept with him I realized. I’m not doing this. I can’t look at him, touch him, kiss him, hug him or even hold him anymore without feeling completely disgusted. He hardly has been around my kids during these last two weeks.. He seems so uninterested in our unborn too now.

I’ve had a hard pregnancy and he’s not even there for me. I’m already crying all the time again, I’m so depressed. He’s here, but not really here. And with a lot of thought.... I’ve had enough. During the two weeks I’ve taken him back I’m gonna pick myself up, get strong and I’m walking away from this human. Today I am done!

And it’s not easy, I’m hurting but my babies need better and SO DO I.

Rant OVER. Sorry I had too 😭