Depressed boyfriend pushing me away, please read for people going through this or have

Well I guess I should start off with the fact we aren’t really together anymore. I finally moved my stuff out today which has been the most gut wrenching thing I have ever had to do. I was with him for almost two years, moved in a few months ago and of course every relationship has there fair share of problems because let’s face it, no relationship is like a fairy tale. I know he is on a high dose of medication for anxiety and I also know that a few years ago he had a huge mental breakdown, but during our whole relationship I didn’t really notice he had a problem with being depressed, he’s not the one to speak about his feelings and the only time he would let me know that I mean the world to him was when I was really upset and going through one of my depressive episodes, but I noticed a change since March, I noticed he was more angry and irritable and his Mom mentioned that he should up the dose of his medication, and he did that. I figured that would work and this would help him, and everything was fine up until May and that’s when shit hit the fan. One day he said how he wanted a night to himself, he wasn’t breaking up with me but he needed a night to be alone and I didn’t understand because the way I deal with my depression is not being around anyone but wanting to be around him, he explained that he needed to be alone for a night and this is how he deals with things, it was back and forth arguing for another couple days till I finally gave him a night to himself and I went camping with my sister and friends and first thing the next morning he showed up, a few days later we had another rough patch when I discovered he was talking to a girl and he lied about it to me because he know’s I get jealous and I freak out and he avoided that, he deleted her and I checked to make sure and all was well. She also has a boyfriend for 4 years so I just put it aside and everything was good again for a couple weeks. I’m sorry that this is all over the place but so is my mind, almost 2 weeks ago he started again saying ‘I would ask for a night to myself but I know what happened last time’ so I got upset and said I would leave, he asked how come every time he get’s like this, I want to leave and that didn’t make sense to me. I said a few harsh things and he just started to feel like a terrible boyfriend and always asks why do I stay with him if he’s so bad, and I started to realize that I’m definitely not helping him. I went for the night and I haven’t been back since, he feel’s like he need’s to deal with his depression on his own, started to talk about suicide the first time in almost 2 years since we’ve been together, he said I deserve better and that he’s not okay. I begged and begged to come home and I haven’t gotten through to him, he picked me up and we both bawled our eyes out and he still didn’t change his mind, then today he came up with the decision that he need’s to be single for a while to work through what he’s going through because he’s not okay, he said it’s not me and that I’m perfect and I deserve the world and he wishes he could give it to me. I have no idea what to think anymore, I just won’t let go, and I don’t know how to explain it, it’s like I have a feeling that he will come back but I’m so damn scared that he won’t. I know what it’s like to push someone you love away because you’re depressed, telling them they deserve someone better and they should be with someone else because you feel like such a bad person and I did the exact same thing but I never officially left. I just need some advice of people who deal with someone having depression, I’m afraid this is for good because he won’t let me in, and I love him so much and I don’t want to let go, I can sit and think of how it feel’s to have his arm around me and it’s like I know he loves me but I’m starting to wonder if he truly does if he’s doing this, I just know what it’s like to be depressed and to shove the people you love away because you feel like it’s for the best, but I have never shoved someone away to work on myself. I just don’t want to give up hope, I’ve been hysterical for days and I just need to hear other people’s stories, it’s like you never really understand till you’ve been through it. He’s such a good person and I don’t hate him, but since the past few months he has started to become someone different and I’m not realizing the signs till now, since we’ve been going through this, he seem’s like a different person and that’s how I know something is wrong. Before this went down almost 2 weeks ago, we were in bed smiling and laughing, him picking me up in his arms and kissing, and just the love and connection we have is so very real. I spent 5 years with someone, and never have I been like this. I didn’t even care when that last relationship ended, I knew for most of it I wasn’t even sure that I wanted them(bad bad relationship) but I met him, and I fell head over heels and he has taught me so much things and it feel’s like he’s my soul mate and I can’t just shake that connection, love is never going to be easy but I would fight till the day I die for him. At first it was him needing alone time, next it was he think’s it’s for the best he’s by himself, then after that it was ‘I literally just needed a few days’ to today me moving out my stuff, I know he had woken up in the morning bawling his eyes out, he was hysterical when he picked me up but he still won’t open up. Any advice?