My husband and I were married for 3 years when all of this happened...

So, our pastor who was like family & who my husband looked up to, decided he wanted to make a pass @ me. At the time I was taking someone’s place as secretary for 2 and a half weeks while she was away. During this time, the pastor and I communicated frequently & everything was professional. Then out of nowhere he texted me every now & then complimenting my good work and how well dressed I was, etc. I didn’t think anything of it. Then he made it personal & said I looked beautiful & he apologized immediately for saying it. I brushed it off & said “don’t worry about it, it’s a harmless compliment, everyone at church compliments one another & I’m sure you didn’t meant it any other way. That’s where it all took a turn. A few days later he texts me crazy things that he wish he could do to me. Immediately so many thoughts raced through my head. I was scared because I feel like he was setting me up because if I showed someone, it would look like we’ve been talking like this for a while, as if I were the guilty one, so I kept it in my phone for a while til I decided what to do. I finally decided to delete it & just forget about it since I was on my last few days of being secretary. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable being around him. He apologized & said ok & said he just needs to give me one last folder/file. He called to drop off the file during my class hours & I told him I’d meet him at Walmart parking lot since it was on my way from school & it was a busy place. I see him & I go to his vehicle & he asks if he can speak with me & was very apologetic so I listen in hopes to find out what the heck was happening. So while he’s talking, I get scared because his eyes look like an evil overcame him. He leaned in quickly to kiss me & was all aggressive. I push him away & got away. I’m so confused as to what just happened. The next day I tell my husband & he decides to trick the pastor into coming to church & act like he doesn’t know about what happened. The pastor & his wife came. The elders were there. My husband and I were there. (By this time I’ve already spoken to the pastor’s wife). We are all in one room and it was so tense & the pastor’s wife, my husband & I were doing most of the talking & the pastor never said a word. His wife kept saying “is this true?” The pastor shook his head yes & for the remainder of the meeting his head hung down facing the floor. My husband wanted to call a public church meeting to expose this predator. The pastor never showed & went M.I.A. But his wife said they’ve been married for over 30 years & he’s done this repeatedly year after year that she’s lost count as to how many victims there were. Everyone swept it under the rug & she said I was the first to actually come out and share what happened to me. Since I came out about my story, there have been several women from different churches who came forward & shared their story. I felt guilty because I should have stopped it at the first signs & this would have never happened. She said everything happens for a reason and if it didn’t happen to me, maybe nobody else would have came forward. She said she hopes he finally gets the help he needs & he definitely won’t be pastoring anymore.

Anyway, this is where things took a turn... my husband started to blame me & said “stop acting like the victim”, & basically called me all sorts of names, making me feel worthless. I don’t know how many times I’ve apologized to him for not saying anything within those 2 weeks, for letting things get worse, for sweeping it under the rug. (I have always had a hard time with authority & adults...I was abused growing up and I never learned how to use my own voice because it never mattered, so I just went with he flow). Even as an adult, I am still learning today to express my opinions & to speak up for myself & make my own decisions & not cave in or freeze up when another adult/authority talks to me or tries to dominate a situation.

So my husband was threatening to divorce me & we’re at rock bottom. During this time his brother was staying with us for a couple of months. His brother listens to all of our business & knows the ins and outs. When my husband left his brother starts apologizing in behalf of my husband. He said I shouldn’t Be treated or talked to like that. We were just watching tv and I was eating and drinking my juice...then later I feel weird and drowsy & then next thing I know my pants were lowered down & I see very blurry my brother in law giving me oral sex. I screamed loud & he ran out the house. I start crying in disbelief. I believe my brother in law drugged me. (I do not drink or smoke). As soon as things clear up for me, I listened to a voicemail from my husband saying he wasn’t coming home for a couple more days because he needs to clear his head. I call him over & over & he doesn’t answer. My brother in law never came back that night. The next day comes, he shows up like nothing ever happened, he denies everything. I just stay in my room all day since he is living with us and I just want to be away from him. I only go out my room to use the bathroom & to get something to eat/drink. So later I eat &get some orange juice out of the fridge & I swear he put something in the whole bottle or maybe in the leftovers because I start to feel drowsy again & by this point I’m stumbling & I’m trying to make it back to my room & I remember seeing him & asking me if I’m ok. Next thing I know, I wake up in the laundry room on the floor & he’s giving me oral sex again. I start screaming telling him to get the F out & never come back! (There were several occasions where we were left together & nothing like this have ever happened). My husband came back & I’m hysterical & again I’m scared to tell him what happened because he’s already mad at me about the pastor situation & doesn’t trust me because of it and now his bigger brother who he looks up to & trust and known all his life, whose word is he going to take? I didn’t say anything immediately but I ended up telling him and he gets mad at me. His brother moved himself out our home after the incident. He still comes around & I can’t stand it. Til this day he doesn’t know my husband knows. I told my husband that we should both confront him together and for whatever reason my husband doesn’t want to talk with his brother about it. He said just leave it alone. So this is obviously a huge mess that all started with the pastor because before this we were fine.