Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt so alone? I can’t seem to shake it. I’m involved in the conversations, I will slap on a smile, laugh maybe just a little too hard, but no one ever seems to ask me what’s wrong?? So I know I’m hiding it well. Well, the last week has been rough for me. Every night, I sit outside, for hours and hours crying because I’m afraid of my family hearing me. I’m on medication for adhd, severe anxiety, ocd and insomnia... but to get on antidepressants, I have to cut out 2 of my 4 medications. So I lie at every appointment so I can at least concentrate throughout the day, so my mind is wandering off, slipping into those thoughts that are on my mind every night. Nighttime is the worst for me. I’ll take my meds, yet there is nothing that can shut my brain off. I can’t get myself out of my own misery. The thoughts, the reoccurring dreams, the random tears that’ll just pop up. All of it hurts. My recent split with the love of my life added more to this. He was the only one who got me. Or at least I thought, but I was vulnerable and he took advantage. He was the first person in 5 years that I’ve been with sexually, he was special... but he cheated and lied. I can’t forgive him but my heart is begging me to. He was the only person I could talk about this to, but now I have no one.