2 and a half years, and you don’t have the decency to contact me.

YOU are the adult in this relationship. At 16, you just let me walk away from you without a fight. Without an apology. Nothing.

You were my best friend. The ONLY person who believed in me, the ONLY person who supported me and the only one who wanted to give me the help you knew I needed.

From when I was a little girl, I always wanted to marry someone like you. “You’re such a daddy’s girl” my siblings would say. You’d take me to the zoo almost every single weekend up until I was like, 15 - and I loved it. We would watch David Attenborough until 3am, you would always make empty promises that one day we’d go travel and see what was on the screen.

When you and mum split up, and she became abusive, you were the one to scoop me up. “You don’t deserve this”. “You’re the strongest girl I know”. I confided in you about her, the hitting, the screaming, the insults. You would relay every word I said to everyone without me knowing. You had your own little dark side. The many tall glasses of ‘orange juice’ that reeked of alcohol. The nights you’d pass out on the couch.

Mum finally came to her senses, got help, and I decided to move back in with her to mend our relationship. Make it healthy again. You absolutely fucking hated that. At the end of the day, I was a pawn in getting everyone to like you. “You’re a saviour!” They’d say.

You lied about her cheating, things she said about you, your paranoia told you she hacked your emails...petty things.

Then, you started filing police reports.

You threw yourself down the stairs, and hit yourself with a crowbar and said she hired people to bash you on your stroll? You’re smart, but seemed to forget there are cameras everywhere these days...and why were you walking on a night with heavy rain?

Psychotic.

Then a lot came out about you. Porn addiction. Videos of you bringing 2 women to the house. Alcoholism. You tried to kill yourself when my sister was 3, but she found you. You were in a psychiatric ward for 6 months...and after that, no follow up treatment. You were bashed when you were 17 and never got your PTSD treated. You were diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, severe depression and anxiety and just refuse to seek help. Why?

You never paid my child support, you stopped paying my school fees, you never put money in my trust fund for my future despite earning roughly $800 000 a year.

On Christmas, I went to stay with you for 10 days. For years you had been in a one bedroom apartment that barely had room for me. We pulled up to a new place, a two bedroom apartment. YES! This was the best Christmas ever.

I stayed with you there. For my birthday, despite your enormous salary...I got a variety of random presents from a discount store. Incense that gave me allergies. An A3 notebook. A candle. But I didn’t care, I was with you.

You had always told me we would go to Europe together. You were 50 and had never been, I was 18 and wanted to travel too.

We were on a usual stroll, when you told me “I’m going to Europe”

Call me spoilt, but at this point I thought you were going to offer an invitation...

“Oh! When? For how long”

“Tomorrow...I’m not sure”

“You’re not sure? Who are you going with?”

“A friend...”

Suspicious. You were never social.

“Is this friend a girl?”

“Yes.”

At this point I remembered a fleeting conversation with my brother...suspicions that you had a girlfriend for over a year. Surely not. You would have told me, after all you’re my best friend and we tell each other everything.

“A girlfriend that you’ve secretly been seeing for over a year?”

You stopped, I ran.

I ran until I couldn’t fucking breathe, I knew you would lie to other people but to me? No. Never. You LOVE me, I LOVE you - you would tell me.

I hid in a car park for 6 hours. I self harmed, I sobbed. My phone was dead and I stayed there all night.

It seems dramatic, but it put everything my family had told me about you in perspective. It was ALL true. You are a liar.

After that, I would text you pointless paragraphs about your betrayal to my family and me. You did not care at all. I would sob on the phone, begging for an apology and I got nothing.

I stopped, I wasn’t getting anywhere. You never, ever contacted me.

After that, I was put on antidepressants and started seeing a therapist. Yes, I had a lot going on. But YOU kickstarted me NEEDING help. I don’t think I have ever been so depressed. I didn’t go to school, I didn’t eat, I would cry and drink and smoke weed every single day to forget you.

I had just turned 16.

I saw you after a year at your mum’s 90th. You secluded yourself at a table away from me, you didn’t talk to me. Not a hello. You talked to the older 2 siblings and completely ignored me.

At that point I had started dating my boyfriend, you didn’t even know I had one.

Towards the end you came and sat down, as if nothing had ever happened. “Hello Dolly” you said...fuck. Do not call me Dolly, you haven’t even said a word to me in over a year you asshole.

I took off crying. After a year, that’s how you speak to me? My boyfriend was left there, dumbfounded as you smiled and laughed at him.

We left, obviously.

About 10 months later your mum passed away. I saw you again. In passing, I said hi and didn’t look at you in the face. I was there for her, not you. At the wake, I got overwhelmed and left. You just looked at me crying walking away.

That was over a year ago.

It’s been 2 and a half years.

You have missed out on so much

I got a boyfriend.

I graduated high school.

I got early acceptance into psychology.

And yeah, I went to Europe.

You’ve missed seeing my friends come and go, the gossip i’d always tell you.

You were my best friend, but I’ve learned to move on without in my life and I’ve come to terms with it slowly.