Crazy step mom?

Question

Hello guys! I want some opinions please, I feel like I’m going crazy. I’m a mother to a 1 year old son, 4 year old step daughter and a 6 year old step daughter. My boyfriend and I are currently trying to get our finances straightened out and are staying with his parents to do that. To give a little back story we were staying in a really bad part of town. My boyfriend has full custody of his daughters and the oldest is in 1st grade. We wanted a better life for them so we moved with his parents until we could afford a house in the area they lived in (really nice area). The girls have issues with saying “no” when they are asked to do something, telling me “I don’t have to listen to you” - stuff like that. My boyfriend and I decided to make a sticker chart to help encourage good behavior. We don’t have them the full month due to their mom getting visitation. We talked and I asked him how many stickers to get prize A, B and C. They need to do so many things before they can get a tablet and they only get it for an hour. After they get 100 stickers they get $10 for a toy. I thought that was fair. Even though it wouldn’t be every month it’s $20 every other month (ish) and we need to be saving. They also get $1 for candy for 20 stickers. ANYWAYS -> I’m at work and I get a message on break from my boyfriend and he changed the sticker chart. Giving them $15 at 50 stickers. That’s $30 a MONTH because it’s very easy to get 50+ stickers a month. He also have them a half hour more of tablet time (which isn’t a big deal.) it only bothers me because he didn’t want them having more than an hour and he wanted the hour to be after dinner. Now he said he wants it before dinner. It’s cool that’s just kind annoying. My biggest issue is the toys. These girls are SPOILED by his parents. They buy them toys randomly ALL. THE. TIME. My son never even got a 1st birthday gift from them, but I couldn’t tell you the amount of toys they have bought for the girls since his birthday. They only ever play with them for a week at most anyways. The other issue I have is that we literally don’t have the money. We need to be saving for a place. His parents treat us like we are teenagers again. I respect them because they are letting my family stay with them but I’m 22 years old and I deserve respect too. There’s a lot of issues all in all. My question I guess, am I wrong? Do kids need toys every month? Especially when we can’t afford them/to pay all our bills. I’m sorry this is so long I’m just so frustrated. 😓

Accepted Answer

“I’m a mother to two step children”
“My boyfriend and I”
😐😐😐😐

Answer

The girls are old enough to know you and dad make the rules. They don’t need prizes to behave properly. Positive reinforcement via words is sufficient and appropriate, gifts are not. Sit with the girls as a united front. Age appropriately tell them they need to obey dad, mom, you, grandparents, etc. Give consequences when they do not behave- time out, no tablet/tv, early bed or whatever they enjoy, reinforce when they do behave using positive words/phrases (great job, you listen so well, thank you for helping me). All parents and caregivers must be on the same page. No more spoiling.

Answer

For the allowance. He should be talking with you about these things if you’re coparenting with him. I also agree that’s too much for kids that age. He also needs to have a talk about respecting you and your authority with them... though they aren’t going to respect you if he keeps changing his mind in front of them regarding the rules and things you set. He needs to always have your back in front of them, and disagree in private. 
For the toys his parents get the girls, I’d put them in a toy rotation! It’s amazing at keeping kids from getting bored with their new toys too quickly and/or destroying them or throwing them all over instead of playing with them.

Answer

I think no way in hell I personally would even pay my 11 almost 12 year old that amount of money or my 8 year old😂 but that’s not my business not my money . 
But on another note he needs to realize he has to be on the same page as you regardless if those are biologically your kids or not they’re your kids too. Secondly all 3 kids are to be treated the same way no if an buts about it would be putting my foot down promptly about the regardless of any situation 🤷🏻‍♀️
But sit your man down and talk with him . Not text not phone face to face and if need be put it on paper so no one can be confused 🤷‍♂️ 
Best of luck!

Answer

No 4 and 6 year old needs to be getting money every month lol. I wouldn’t do the sticker chart like that. I would say after so many stickers, they can go to the park or petting zoo. Make the “prizes” more family oriented and less materialistic. If they are spoiled and a little bratty, I don’t think feeding into that is a good idea. You can’t do much about the parents because they’re going to do whatever they want and you live in their house so it’s pretty easy for them to do so. Maybe you and your boyfriend have miscommunicated your role in the girls’ lives. If you are to be a mother to them, and a partner to your boyfriend, he should have consulted with you prior to changing the chart. If they have difficulty listening to you, going against what you’ve already instated while you’re at work is reinforcing that he is the one in charge and you aren’t.

Answer

Im not paying my kids to follow the rules. And yes a toy every month is unnecessary. Id be more like you dont listen, we are taking a toy away and giving it to a child in need. Before I bribe them with a toy.

Answer

I think a 6 year old is too old for a sticker chart. Allowance is good for them to get but they don’t need to constantly get toys that’s what birthdays and Christmas is for

Answer

If this is your boyfriend that you are talking about then you aren’t a stepmother, dad makes the rules.

Answer

No kids don’t need toys every month. It only says if I’m good then I’ll get a toy instead of them being good in general without getting some type of reward.  The sticker chart is a good idea but maybe make it to where they can earn things for their birthday or Christmas. For example let’s say one of them wants to go to a water park for their birthday and invite five friends. Well you can say if they earn nine hundred stars before their birthday then they can have the party at the water park and invite five friends. 
That way you’re not buying toys every month and spending so it gives you time to put money aside. You should talk to your boyfriend about it and tell him what you’re thinking.

Crazy step mom?

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