I dome know how to feel right now

So I know I’ve posted a few times about my hiv scare ... I just don’t know how to feel at this point. I’m literally worried half to death about it and that I’ve infected my hubby . Me getting attacked happened almost three months ago I got checked at two months but three weeks ago my tonsil was hurting and slwollen. And I was sick now my hubby is sick and my son is getting over being sick but everybody has been getting sick lately but mine feels different my hubby just recently got sick I’ve been done with it for like a week now but my tonsils are still messing with me ... it’s uncomfortable to swallow but I’ve been eating good ...I’ve never had any problems with them before I still have mine ... I went to the doctor about my itchy bumm ...and I told them what happened and about my throat and he said your tonsils have holes in them so good can get easily trapped drinks plenty of fluids ect .., but why is this happening now he took a quick look at it and said they look a little red and then gave me antibiotics for butt cream and didn’t give me an hiv test ...it’s been 3 weeks since I first noticed it . He said oh if we don’t have any cause for concern we won’t test ... and I got a test a little before 2 months his it was more than 60 days after I tested and it came back negative ... but now my hubby is saying he keeps feeling nauseous .... and threw up once and had a bad taste with it ... I don’t know what to do I just feel suicidal now ... I have no insurance .....