Long Rant...

Sorry for the long rant but I’m so stressed out and broken at this point and I know my fellow Glow community would be so understanding!

I saw the Fertility Specialist today. He spoke to us for an hour and a half. This man has had so many success stories, including a few of my friends. I’ve been putting my plans, like getting my bachelors, on hold in order to have a second child. My kid is 9 already and the age gap keeps getting bigger and bigger. I’m 30 and my hubby is 37.

So basically I was told today I have PCOS and I need to lose 89lbs before he will try anything. I’m freaking pissed and disgusting with MYSELF!! There’s no one else to blame but myself about my weight gain! I have always been “chubby” but after having my son and going thru a lengthy depression, I’ve put on so much weight. 89 freaking pounds and I’m prediabetic!!!

I knew going in, he was going to say something about my weight as I’ve been trying to lose weight. I’ve manage to lose 24lbs but I’ve hit a plateau. I was so embarrassed to say my weight in front of hubby today. I’m only 5ft so I know 89lbs is a lot.

The Dr. said to come back in a year but in the mean while have genetic testing(hubby and I), semen analysis and a saline infused sonogram to check for a few things. My uterine lining also looked “thick” in Sept vaginal sonogram (not a SIS one though) but that sonogram was done 4 days before my period, so we’ll see if it shows the same in the saline infused sonogram.

After the visit we followed a nurse to another room and she gave us a few minutes to talk while she got paper work ready for us. I told my husband, I was thinking that I just might be done with trying to have another baby. That a year is such a long time!! I literally wanted to cry!! I don’t think I’m going to be able to lose the 89lbs. I feel like absolute garbage atm.

Hubby has been so supportive though! He was like we’re going food shopping and getting all 3 of us (hubby, our kid and myself) eating better. We’re going to start working out together too (which I no it’s going to be hard as hubby was in a bad accident and can’t really work out) My hubby and son are so fit and hubby has never been overweight so he doesn’t know the struggle but I appreciate him so much!

Any tips or exercise regimen anyone would like to share? I’ve been looking into boxing but I’m so self conscious about group exercise. I’m so ready to lose these 89lbs and have a baby.