Loyalty go my Ex boyfriend

Why do I still feel like I still owe loyalty to my ex?

I ended things with him because it was way to toxic. We both acknowledged that. For the mental safety of both of us it was best that I stepped away.

Six months later, I still go back and forth with my loyalty with him. Like he’s still in my life. We are on good terms now. No bad blood, but both know that it won’t work out again.

Obviously I still have feelings for the guy. I’m going to respect him, I want nothing but peace but in my heart and common sense I know that it should never happen again.

Yet I refuse to move on?! Why am I making this so difficult for myself? Jesus Christ I haven’t even touched a guy since.

I feel like if I were to even kiss a guy he would be knocking on my door. He would know ASAP, and therefore I would be disloyal to him. It would be disrespectful and if not allowed to have that kind of pleasure in my life.

Pretty much, if you guys have any tips on moving on, and detaching yourself from a toxic past relationship, please let me know. I would like to finally feel like I’m at peace with my life and have control of it.