Will he ever forgive me for cheating?

Question

(I cheated in the beginning of our relationship😰)
We decided to get back together and here we are 7 years later. We are 11 year age difference i just turned 30 so he’s 41.
I knew it’ll be a hard road ahead, and earning his trust back would be difficult.
When I feel I’m almost there or we are almost there, he’ll get flashbacks and be upset with me all over again.
And say things like “you’re going to hurt me again I know it” “I bet you delete things”
And I’ll say I’m sorry what I did to you and I’ll do my best to continue making it up to you.
And he’ll say “heard that before, and you still cheated” And he’ll give me the silent treatment or not want to be affectionate. 
And other times he’ll say things and I’ll get upset (I know it’s wrong because I planted that seed in his head) and say things like “you’ll never forgive me, so why are you with me?” (Wrong I know)
I just get so frustrated hearing my past mistakes brought up and it’s selfish because I know it’s even harder to have those thoughts in HIS head. We had an argument over him saying I have a secret email and I truly don’t, so I was constantly asking “please tell me what’s wrong so I can try to fix it” and he kept ignoring me and finally said “I want out of this relationship” 
We just moved to a new city, so if he does Truly mean this, I have nowhere to go as he takes care of me 100% financial wise (I’m a full time teacher but I make pennies) and we sold my car before we moved here. I wouldn’t even know where to begin thinking of a place to live🥺he never sleeps in the spare room but he did last night. We usually ride to work together and he already left the house.
I tried to call to tell him I was sorry for my complete blow up and he didn’t answer(I figured that)
All this was and is because of my cheating.
The problems and flashbacks never gone away.
He truly is so good to me, and I never want to be without him. And I know his frustrations are from the hurt I caused him and he’s still willing and wanting to be with me after the wrong I’ve done.
I’m about to lose a great man if I can’t salvage what we have. 
He does everything for me, and I mean everything, and I’m so thankful for him. 
What can I do when he brings up what I’ve done? Comfort him and still apologize and say how sorry I am ( which I do and he says I’m so tired of your sorrys)
I’ve tried the angry way, and get defensive (the worst one, because it causes more issues)
Anyone else ever been through this. 
Signed,
Apologies Apologies

Accepted Answer

Frankly of he's still throwing it in your face after seven years best call it a day. He lost the  right to do that when he decided to forgive you and stay.

Answer

This sounds like he’s turned your cheating into a way of controlling you. Its abusive. He manipulates you with the silent treatment and the excuses that he doesn’t trust you. He shouldn’t have took you back if he wasn’t going to put it in the past. He hasn’t forgiven you. None of this is right.

Answer

41 ? more like 14 . this guy sounds really immature and seems like he wants to hold a burden over your head . your relationship isn’t healthy, and if i were you i would leave asap . go find a man worth your time that isn’t childish and will trust you . 7 years is a long time to keep acting this way .

Answer

Well I think you should ask him what could you do to regain trust and prove your loyalty.  It may involve giving up certain freedoms such as passwords to phone and social media, location sharing, couples therapy. Ask him what you do that makes him question your fidelity in the present. (But it also sounds like hes being unreasonable because he knew he was dating younger and that age group is known for neing immature and irresponsible.) Fidelity can be tricky and it can be extremely hard to come bk from. You say he takes care of u financially and i think he fears if u do cheat or walk away he will hv sacraficed more for u than u do for him. Maybe try to learn his ❤️ love language and communicate in it. There is a book called five love languages.

Answer

I posted but I also feel like you need to get your barrings and as a women always have an exit plan and one foot on the ground in case things end.  Make sure u are advancing yourself and growing and developing so u are good with and without the relationship. It sounds like he takes care of u financially but based off what you describe either he has a severe insecurity or he has narcissistic tendencies. Youre solely dependent on him and isolated and he tears you down emotionally and mentally and that doesnt sound healthy. Sounds like if youre not careful it could be borderline emotionally abusive because youre dependent and he can mistreat u. 
     I say as a women you always have to look out for yourself and ask yourself how things would look if the relationship ended? Sounds like financially ur beimg taken care of but if relationship ends then what. So u should be doing whatever it takes to put yourself at financial advantage such as having a savings, roth ira, 401k, investing and paying off all debt.  
     You also should be considering marriage. You have given your youth and are contributing your child bearing years so marriage would at least make sure u are financial secure if the relationship ends. He will have to pay alimony etc and it would put you in a better place not to be sacraficing with risk of abandonment.
      Also examine the overall relationship. Is it mutually beneficial for both of you? Does he support you and make u feel better overall emotionally mentally physically? Is he kind to you? How does he handle stressful situations? How does he treat u when he doesnt get his way or is being wronged? How does he respond when he knows he wrong? These are tell all signs. The last thing u need is to have given a decade or a child only to find out he selfish, unloving, unkind, unforgiving. Or to find yourself wih a child and stressed out because he just not a good man. So pay attention. There is much morw to a relationship tham financial security. And if financial security is what u solely want make sure u play your cards right so u dont end up downtrodden.

Answer

Trusting someone who’s cheated on you is extremely difficult. At this point I’d just cut ties and move on. Personally I can never stay with a cheater because I’d never be able to get past that feeling of hurt and betrayal. I’d always be wondering when will they do it again. Which seems to be what he’s doing. Maybe contact family or friends from home and see if there’s anyone you can stay with until you get on your feet.

Answer

This is the outcome of cheating you really sound like your are regretful & sorry for the cheating you did but honestly I don't have any advice that can help you unhurt him cheating is a betrayal a hurt that always stays with you a trust that might never be gained again.. you talk as if y'all are hanging by a thread maybe as your last resort you can both try counseling or therapy.

Answer

Taking you back was the forgiveness, so he should try his best to do just that and not throw the past in your face all the time. 
Easier said than done, but he knows he controls you - financially and emotionally too it seems, so ... call him out on it. 
He can either draw a huge line under it and trust you or not. 
If you continue being together, you should ensure that your behaviour matches someone who has learnt how much infidelity really hurts and mindful about your actions (his paranoia) but do not change being you - don’t feel you have to share everything (passwords or journals and emails) it’s a feeling .. being cheated on, he’ll be suspicious forever, it’s managing the future with being secure...  or draw a line and call it a day

Answer

He’s using this as a way to control you even if it’s not intentional. It’s manipulation. I’ve cheated on a partner in the past and our relationship lasted another three years after I did it, and he never brought it up or mentioned it. I never cheated again, either. We worked through it because we wanted to stay together. He will forever use this to throw in your face, to control you and make you feel like crap.

Answer

Personally, I would never be able to stay with someone who has cheated. I would never be able to trust that person again. I would be totally crushed and it would destroy me emotionally and mentally. Props to him for giving you another chance. BUT, if this is how he really feels, then it sounds like it’s time to walk away. I don’t blame him, I don’t think I could ever truly get over it completely. But it’s also not right for him to be throwing it in your face. Honestly, I would walk away at this point.

Will he ever forgive me for cheating?

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