Stressing out☹️

So I was a virgin up until about 3 weeks ago and lost it to my now boyfriend but I’ve been feeling off. We started to do stuff in the back if my car but made him stop because I wanted it to be special so we waited till that weekend. Then that weekend I went over every other day and we were having multiple rounds and we were both happy until one time he asked me to ride him, my mind completely shut off and went into this weird state of self doubt and just started talking myself down like “you can’t do that, you’ll crush him” or “you’re too fat/inflexible to be able to do that” and just got really depressed and I killed the mood and ever since, we’ve been kinda distant and I’m just confused 😔

(Sorry that was all over the place)