Starting to realize something..

This is a long post, but I hope some of you read it so that you can help me figure out what to do next.

I met my son’s father in high school. We were best friends for a long time before we decided to get together. Fast forward to us dating and everything was great until we were pregnant. He became very distant with me and would sometimes get violent with me. Not to the point of beating me, but just want to hit me. At one point, he became unmotivated, started cheating on me and just wanted to be cooped up in the house with me and my son. I decided enough was enough and ended the relationship.

We’ve been broken up for a little over a year already. When we first broke up, I was disgusted by his behavior and his attitude towards me that I decided I never wanted to be with him again. I unloved him completely. I truly felt in my heart that I did not love him anymore. I just wanted to coparent and move on with our lives. I even told him that one day we’d have our own partners and we’d be okay.

He’s been with someone else for almost half a year already and it truly didn’t bother me. I was so happy he found someone because it finally meant he’d let go of me. I was having fun enjoying my life, growing on mine and being with other men. I had opportunities to be in a relationship with other people but I always pushed that idea out of my head.

When it comes to relationships and a future, my mind always goes back to him. I always pictured him as my husband and I truly thought he was the person for me. We’ve had so many fun moments. We have so much in common, we are so comfortable around each other and he’s pulled me out of my darkest times. I don’t know.. I feel like my love for him is coming back. I feel like he’s changing and maturing. We were 18/19 when we got together. We are now 24/25.

He’s in a relationship now, but do you think I should act on my feelings? Should I wait a little while longer and see if this is what I really want to do? Should I tell him how I feel? If he rejects me, at least I won’t have to always think about “I wonder..”s.