Too scared to try...help

So a little background I had a mmc at 12 weeks last August (baby died at 10 weeks) I opted for a d&c. Fast forward to August of this year we find out we are pregnant again with identical twins (high risk). End of October we found out both twins passed due to placenta sharing at 15 weeks. We were devastated. I had to give birth to them and after having them I had to have an emergency d &c as my placenta got stuck.

It’s been almost 4 weeks and I go back and forth of whether or not to try again. We have two boys (4&2) I’m 39 years old and my husband is adamant about not having any more kids. But I can’t let go. How do you know when your done or when to try again? I’m terrified to go through that again but at the same time I never got my rainbow baby. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.