PP Regret

Hello everyone. I'm not going to make a huge post about my situation. I really just want to talk to someone who has been in a similar situation. I know I cant be the only one.

I had a baby due to pressure and guilt. I knew it was a bad idea. Even when I'm in a good mood and having a good time with my son and I'm at my highest as a mother, there is still a huge part of me that just wants to leave. I dont want to be a mom. I want to talk to someone who has been through this and hear how they made this decision. I've been contemplating for years. I'm in "analysis paralysis" and I desperately need clarity. This ambivalence is killing me.