Annoyed. *trigger* *cutting*

Basically. When I was younger, I would cut myself. From probably 7th grade to 10th grade, no one knew, I was deathly afraid of anyone finding out, but it was honestly addicting?? If that makes sense? I’m embarrassed of that period of my life, because I’m just a really unemotional person so something like that just feels embarrassing to me for some reason. When I stopped it was because my mom happened to catch it a glimpse of my side one day (I’d cut my thighs and lower stomach) she did her usual toxic parent thing and called my whole family to tell them all about it, she made my drug addict dad who I literally hated at that point come over and try to talk to me, I think she might have tried to guilt him into thinking it was his fault? (Even though he was a drug addict and emotionally abusive I honestly preferred him over my own mom, I’m not saying I blame anyone for my cutting because that was all my own choice, but my mom most definitely caused me a lot of mental/emotional trauma during that period) it was so fucking aggravating to me that she did all of that. I’m now a grown women. I’m 21. I have children, my own house, everything. And if the topic of cutting comes up she’s still like “oh well (me) did that stuff” doesn’t matter who the hell shes talking to, it could be a stranger.

Now on to my actual problem. She obviously told my SO about it all a few times, she thinks it’s a good conversation starter apparently. So I have been moody lately, I’m heavily pregnant at the moment and just over emotional. I was taking a bath, my SO walks in and he peaks behind the curtain to talk to me, I impulsively cover up my body, I’m huge pregnant, my tits are huge and my stomachs covered with stretch marks, I don’t like anyone seeing me at the moment 🤷🏼‍♀️ he’s automatically like “you’re not cutting yourself are you?”

And it’s just ???? So annoying??? Like why is something I did then going to forever be held against me. I wish no one would ever bring it up again. I wish no one even knew about it. I haven’t done it in YEARS, I won’t do it ever again. I’m just so aggravated over it