Molestation?

My biological father completely signed his rights away when I was very young. My mother was a single mother for a little bit and then got married to my step father. My step father adopted me at age 4 and he’s really all I’ve ever known. He’s never been much of a “dad” other than providing financially.

When I was around 10-11, my family went on vacation to Florida. I had my own bed but I shared the room with some of my family members. I remember very vividly that I was sleeping but I woke up to find my step dad in MY bed in only his boxers and he had raised my shirt up (I was too young to wear a bra at this point so I didn’t have one on) and was rubbing my back with his fingertips from the top of my neck down to almost my buttcrack. I woke up, felt very uneasy, and got up immediately. I didn’t tell anyone that it had happened, I tried to forget about it. (When I finally told my mom, she confronted him, & he said he thought that it would be okay to do this since he’s seen my mother rub my back before.)

Flash forward to when I was around 13-14, I had fallen asleep on our loveseat after school one day. I had changed into shorts and a t shirt & slept with a blanket over me. I guess my shorts had ridden up my butt while I was sleeping but my step dad gets up from his chair across the room, literally digs my shorts/underwear out of my butt but while in the process, he slipped his fingers somewhat to my vagina. Enough to where I could feel his fingers. I woke up, he was standing in the kitchen making an ice water.

I have never felt more disgusted or embarrassed. I felt totally abused. I finally told my mom about the two incidents and she made him leave home for a while. I clearly remember her begging me to let him come home and saying that he “wasn’t on his medication” at the time & that he would “never do anything to hurt me.” She told me how much she loved him and how it would hurt the family and my younger brother if I “split it up” and she said I “just want her to be single so I can do what I want.” My step dad has ALWAYS been more controlling of me than my mother. He dictated what I wore, what boys I could hangout with, where I could go, even what girls I could be around.

Bottom line is... is the full fledged molestation? Does he have some weird kinky fetish with me?

I’m 21 years old now and I still feel disgusted by this. My mom is still married to this creep and he was never charged or anything. He was back home within a month. I’m still somewhat angry with my mom for letting this slip by..