Idk...venting ig

So me and my s/o want children. At least 10. Lol. BUT!!! Hes trying to build his business and I'm trying to start mines. I start school in Spring(I'm 18. Hes 29) we want to wait until after college(which the way I'm trying to start my buisness that will be in12-14 yrs. Which part of me is fine with. I wanted to wait until in 23-26 anyway, but the other part really want it now. He can be no help sometimes because sometimes when we're just being intimate, he'll say that that day is when hes goingbto give it to me. Ik all and all we waiting because he always ejaculate away from me or hell personally clean me up to make sure it didnt seep in. But then again the other part of me want him to...I hate that I feel like this sometimes..n