So I am 9 weeks PP. I have a healthy and beautiful baby girl who is thriving. She even slept through the night for the first time last night 🙌🏻!

I’ve been dealing with PPA since about week 4-5. Honestly I thought once I got that far out I was in the clear and wouldn’t be affected by PP anxiety or depression. Then it hit. And it’s not always worry about my baby. Honestly most of the time it’s not. Which seems to go against what a lot of other people experience.

Today I pulled into the Walmart grocery parking lot after I went to the gym. I saw a family I knew, I like, and I haven’t seen in about a year and a half. My first thought was “oh awesome, I need to go say hi!” (Like genuinely- not sarcastic. I was excited to see them). I was finishing up the last minute of a podcast in my car, figured i would see them inside. Then it hit me. I felt panic about actually seeing them and talking to them. It was completely irrational and I knew it (bc hello, I was just happy to see them in my head). I felt like I needed to run away. I ended up driving to another grocery store about 7 minutes away just to avoid running into them. And My head was so messed up/panicky that I got lost on the way. Which makes no sense because I’ve lived here a long time and its only 2 turns to get there from where I was. I sat in that parking lot just thinking holy crap. This is just not normal. at my 6 week PP visit I talked with my Md and got a med to use as needed for anxiety. I take it sparingly (bc it makes me drowsy) but it helps.

I guess the point of this post is mostly to get it out of my head. I know it’s not healthy and not normal. I’m not depressed but it’s making me get there bc I have no control over my body. My husband doesn’t know how to help and I don’t what I can tell him that would help. Light exercise helps. The med helps when it gets bad. I’m not ready to take something every day yet.

It just sucks. If anyone else is feeling this way too just know you’re not alone.