Insecure

So my ex was a manipulative sex addict. He was unfortunately my first love with the simple fact he took my virginity when I told him I didn’t wanna have sex and I bluntly stated so and was responded to with an “oops” but I didn’t fight him off. As my parents had said sex is something saved for marriage, so I felt like I had to love him and he used that to my advantage greatly. I was always finding messages and nudes and hookup apps on his phone along with 38 pages of saved porn and screen recordings of porn. We dated for almost a year before I forced myself apart from him, that was a little over a year ago now. I’m very much a pushover, having a narcissistic dad and a codependent mom it’s definitely not hard to manipulate me. I watched my parents toxic relationship and unhealthy boundaries. I went through watching them cheat and lie to each other and being my moms little spy to watching them make out in the front yard and finding sex toys. This happened is a cycle of about 6 or 8 months every year from the time I was 10 till I was about 14. I started officially dating a man I met not 2 weeks prior to making it official. We met a college party, hanging out with friends of his friends and we’ve been together for 2 months now and have been with each other nearly every moment outside of work since. He lives with me now and early in November I fell down some stairs and I’ve been out of work since because following that I ended up with my first severe herpes outbreak on top of a clamydia infection and neither of us with any guess where it came from. Immediately following that about a week and a half later I thought I had a bruised tailbone from the way I sat with the painful blisters and it was a pilondial abscess. I was prescribed 4 different antibiotics and narcotics along with spending over $871 in repairs on my piece of shit car driving back and forth to his family an hour away. He’s paid for repairs and groceries and has done so much for me. Everything he could. He took care of me the entire time I was sick even with me waking up bawling in the middle of the night from the pain and waking him up. Always jumped up to come see if I was okay and carry me to bed and cater to my every need. We’ve been best friends since the moment we met tho, one in the same, always told how much we make since and fit well. I think it’s me, I think I’m messed up from all the manipulation of my past but I don’t want him watching porn or looking at any girl half dressed. Even in movies or music videos, it makes me sick that I’m not good enough and he’d rather have that. But he literally loves me so insanely much. He goes to work 8-3 everyday for me since I’ve struggled so much to get a job. And he comes home and he plays his games and we have sex but I worry he doesn’t love me as a person because we don’t really have a lot of fun anymore then again the weather sucks and we’re broke so, idk. But I constantly think he’s cheating on me and just hiding it really well. I’m so insecure honestly and for no reason other than cheating and lying and sex is all I’ve ever seen in relationships. I had completely given up and was gonna move away when I met him and he changed everything but how do I go about this loving thing? I’ve never cheated but that doesn’t keep me from freaking out that he is. Idk what to do tho please help me.