All my life I've known my mom to be self centered, domineering and she refuses to admit when she's wrong. We've struggled over the years but two years ago I got pregnant with identical twin boys in the 28th week an ultrasound revealed that my placenta had shut down one baby was getting less blood than the other and his heart rate was dropping. Doctors performed an emergency c-section and the pain begun... they weren't confident my boys would survive. To add more salt to the wound baby A was diagnosed with a brain bleed days after birth. I couldn't eat, sleep or think I was always worried about my twins every single day. Luckily they survived after 2 months in the NICU they came home but I still worried they were high risk for SIDS given their prematurity, they had horrible reflux and they were so small. I still couldn't sleep I obsessed over my children every second of the day. Little did I know this would send me into post partum depression and for the first time my mom noticed before my husband did she actually seemed to care but ultimately my husband ended up helping through my depression my mom ended up making it about herself and then cracked jokes about it.

When the twins were 10 months old I found out I was pregnant totally unexpected but a blessing. Singleton pregnancy this time still I was determined to have a healthy baby, happy pregnancy and happy postpartum. One out of three I'll take it. My husband and I started to argue alot he thought I was hormonal but my issues with him were legit. On top of constantly listening to my mom's drama. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, gave birth to a 9lb baby girl she was healthy. My marriage has improved since the gestational diabetes diagnosis but my mom is still giving me shit. She's damn near 50 yet she's irresponsible, impulsive, selfish, short tempered and has awful taste in men. She been with this nothing piece of shit for 4 years he can't keep a job, he's near 50 still paying child support for his 27 year old daughter, my age, he's a cheater, a user and that most fucked up thing he did to my mom was get married to another woman during their relationship. He claimed it was more of a business deal than a marriage but I knew that was bullshit but I can't fault him for being who he is. He's shown my mom time and time again he doesn't give a shit about her but she allows it and stays with him.

I tell her all this but she still calls to tell me their nonsense. I'm an empath I can absorb energy negative or positive. When someone close to me is in pain or suffering I also feel that pain as if it's my own. As I dig deeper into mental health I realize what I need to do to keep mine in check. My grandmother said some nasty things behind my back when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes it hurt my feelings so I took some time away from her. I was feeling vulnerable, a diagnosis like that is a scary thing. Fear of the unknown really bummed me out and I really didn't need so much negativity around me so I cut her off for about two months. In those two months I came to term with my diagnosis I started eating better, losing weight, getting good bsl readings and feeling better overall. A few weeks after I had my baby I felt strong enough to have a conversation with my grandmother. I found out that her comments weren't as harsh as my mom made them out to be my grandmother insisted she didn't mean any harm so once again my mom has started some unnecessary drama. Recently one of our relatives has ghosted the entire family she says she needs time away for her mental health from what I know she's been through a rough marriage, she's experiencing PTSD from a car accident that almost claimed her life and she's also dealing with unresolved childhood trauma. While I understand her my mom is taking it personal, making her own cousin's mental health priorities an attack against herself. I've tried explaining it to her but she's not trying to hear it she's convinced herself that it is selfish for other people to put themselves first but she does it all the time she just doesnt believe mental health is real.

I officially had to take a step back from my mom after we both did each other favors but she didn't hold up her end. Some drama of her own making came up yet again and she couldn't follow through so I had to pick up the slack. I started feeling down again PPD is not pretty and if I can control it I will not go through that again it's time to face it my mom is a threat to my mental health so I took a step back from her. I calmly asked her for space to heal and her reaction was as I expected... she felt attacked. She did apologize for flaking on me but she didn't acknowledge her faults it wasn't a genuine apology she blamed her boyfriend as usual played victim to circumstances she created. She feels like none of her behavior justifies my choice to take a few days. I'm supposed to keep allowing her negativity to flow through my life when I have my own shit to deal with. We all have our issues but mine are nowhere near like hers. I avoid drama, if my husband cheated on me I'd leave a divorce would quickly follow. How can men or women date someone whose a shit parent? I never understood that it's a deal breaker I'd be out the door. I don't talk about what goes on in my marriage to no one but my husband he's the only one I can work it out with and so far it's been improving. I am the exact opposite of my mom and I'm tired of her. How are you supposed to cut off a person like her? A parent? I've struggled with this for so long. I feel like I could do this forever but it'd be wrong because she is my mother. 😥