I don’t know what to do anymore.

I know no one knows me. I guess I just want to feel heard, or that I’m not alone. I have no one to talk to.

My husband. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. We were teenagers when we met. We’re still young (25 and 26). Our relationship has always been hot and cold. But we’ve never broken up, we’ve never cheated, we’ve grown together and everyone sees us as this perfect couple. When we’re good, were great. But it hasn’t been great for a while. We had our first baby in July. We have financial issues. We’re both extremely stubborn. We both get anxiety (me more than him). We have our tired days, our financial problems, our issues at work. We’ve just gotten in a habit of talking just plain rude and mean to one another. We take everything out on each other. We’re at the point where we argue more than get along. I shouldn’t cry this much. I shouldn’t be this unhappy. I feel like we’re toxic. I hate how negative we have become. I don’t want this for my son.

Then I get the thoughts that I’m so lucky to have him. He’s loyal. He leaves me notes. He texts me every morning when he goes to work how much he loves me. He’s an amazing father. This is what I do want for my son.

I don’t know what to do. My thoughts are so jumbled. I know no one can decide what to do for me. But I feel like I’ve put in so much effort to make things better and they just aren’t getting better.. We need help. No I can’t afford therapy for us. I hate this so much.