Void of nothing

I was hoping for this weekend to be for me. I’ve felt over whelmed even when nothing has been happening. I feel so suffocated and i don’t even know what it’s by, myself maybe? Anyways I was wanting to clean my room and listen to some bops, take a relaxing bath, put candles on and read my favorite book and workout. Instead I’ve gotten half of my room clean. I don’t feel like doing anything. I can’t bring myself to do anything. I feel so lost and I need to cry but the most I can do is have a tear roll down. My anxiety is off the wall. I feel it in my heart and breathing. I feel physically sick. I don’t know why it’s attacking me so bad. I hate myself when I look in the mirror. I’ve struggled with self love, but I’ve been doing really good with it and now I just can’t stand to look in the mirror. I don’t want to talk about this with anyone because it’s something my friends don’t quite understand and I’ve talked about it before and I just don’t like repeating reoccurring problems. If you have any advice that would be great, thank y’all.