I need to talk...

I feel so defeated! We have 3 children never had any issues.... nothing! I found out on Halloween we were expecting baby #4. I had just had my birth control removed a month before so we were beyond excited because we wanted one more and we were done. I went Nov 14th for an ultrasound and the baby was measuring smaller and the heart rate was 93. She said she’d like to see me in a week for another ultrasound to see if we could get better growth measurements. I went Nov 22 and when she started the ultrasound I seen the baby but the heartbeat wasn’t found.

Devastated and crushed is an understatement! I had just announced on Facebook we were expecting so I felt like an idiot. I had the D&C Nov 25th and I was put under bawling like a baby because I knew when I woke up my baby wouldn’t be inside of me and this was real. Miscarriage is something I knew nothing about nor never heard of it! Now I feel defeated as a woman and a mother! I bought ovulation and pregnancy test and have been “trying”. But my husband doesn’t understand how I feel and just keeps saying if it happens it happens I don’t know why your putting so much effort into it. I was told when I was 15 I’d never had kids! I actively tried with my 1st real boyfriend and nothing but when my husband and I got together it was a matter of months and I was pregnant. We never had to actually try. Our 1st daughter was born 8 days before our 1 year anniversary. I feel alone because he doesn’t understand why this is so hard for me. And he’s voiced that he hates the whole situation because he can’t understand how I feel or how to help me! I just need moms who know how I feel to talk to!! That’s the last picture I have of my baby on Nov 22nd. 😭😭😭