Would you go to this funeral?

Question

My children’s father but....
He hasn’t seen the children in over a year due to his drug addiction. 
His family believed I was just crazy and keeping them away even though the court order was that he had to pass a drug test in order to see them and he refused.
No one from the family has reached out or spoken to me this whole time either.
The children are four and under. 
I was VERY close to this family 2-3 years ago even though we weren’t together. I was sad to see the relationship with everyone fade since his drug addiction started again. The last I spoke to their father was a few months ago when he was arguing with me about how it was unfair I didn’t let him get them unsupervised. I told him he could come to my house whenever he wanted and he refused Bc his new girlfriend wouldn’t allow that. I told him soon as I received a clean drug test he could pick them up. Anyway. His funeral. Do I go? Do I let any of the children go? I no longer have any of his families numbers to even reach out. Don’t want to look like an a hole for not going but also don’t want to upset his family for going.

Answer

I would go, because it’s really not about you at all. It’s about these children and the fact that their father is dead. They don’t know all the shit he has done, or what anyone has gone through. They’ll just know, someday, that their dad died and they had no part in the closure Of that. 
I don’t think it’s necessary to glamorize his life, but I think it’s necessary to recognize that he was their father, and that they are 50% him. You have to respect that, whether you liked him or not. Be the bigger person and reach out to the family. Feel it out.

Answer

I don’t know if you should go but if the children are 4 and under I wouldn’t let them go as they are very young to really understand all this.

Answer

This isn't about his family, it's about his children. If you go and they give you shit then tell them that. Tell them that they deserve to say goodbye and it'd be selfish and cruel to keep that from them no matter how old they are. They deserve that much.
Maybe you can reach out to a mutual friend or acquaintance to get in contact with the family. If they prevent you from going to the funeral then that will be on them. It'll show how little they really care about your kids and their father.

Answer

I think it would be a sign of respect for his person if you were all to go.
Past relationships aren't necessarily hate based and you can still show your respect.
I would find it very disrespectful if my husband's ex would keep their kids from coming to the funeral.
After all, it sounds like he would still see them occasionally, yet supervised. So they do have some kind of connection with him.
Not to mention his family.. They might be positive or negative about you showing up. But if anyone asks you can explain it as showing your respect and your ex wanting for his kids to be there.
If anything maybe even establish a new relationship with their grandparents?
If they don't ask and are just negative.. Like someone else said, I would leave.. Though, me personally, I would probably suck it up until it's appropiate to leave, unless it's a bad situation for the kids.

Answer

I wouldn’t go. It looks like they were too focused on him to see your side of things.  
This would be a possible way to reintroduce your self to them but would you really want to?
I know its hard to see what things are sometimes vs how things were before addiction, but only you can answer that. 
If you do choose to go, i would not bring the babies. 
Do you want to try to rekindle the relationship with these people?

Answer

Go. Let the kids do what they need to do. You don’t want them resenting you, not saying they will, but they need closure, even if it’s just going for 5 minutes and then leaving. You don’t have to talk to anyone, just be there for the kids.

Answer

I would go but not the kids, they don’t need to be there

Answer

I agree with some of the other comments, I would go for the kids. Let them grieve and say goodbye to their Dad.

Answer

Do any of them even remember him? If not, don’t bother. They don’t need closure for something they don’t remember. If any of his living family want to see the kids, they can reach out to you. Communication goes both ways.

Answer

The children might regret not going when they are adults.

Would you go to this funeral?

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