Betrayed while I was pregnant😓

I have never felt so much pain and yet numb in my entire life.

My husband and I have literally been together since we were 12. He was the boy next door and the love of my life. The only man I have ever been with or ever wanted.

He is a deputy at a county jail and works in Law enforcement where it is notorious for cheaters. I guess almost everyone is having affairs or sleeping around there.

He has a very hard job and sees horrible gruesome things but he loves his work. He has almost been the most loyal person I’ve ever met until the last few months he’s been really off. Always on his phone, takes it everywhere, making excuses to stay in the car with the kids as they nap while I go shopping, working 7 days a week and tons of overtime.

His phone kept vibrating as I was putting our 2 year old and 6 month old sons to sleep and he was sleeping because he works graveyards. I had this gut feeling to check it and sure enough it was from a number not saved and there was clearly a conversation before it that he deleted. I ran in screaming who the F is this and I could tell in his eye he thought oh sh*t. I said who is she he wouldn’t say just her last name and that he didn’t know her first name. I said fine I’m calling her and he chased me downstairs and ripped his phone from my hands and screamed no you’re not.

At that point I knew this was not nothing. Finally he said it’s a friend from work and he texts her *sometimes. I asked how often he said maybe once a week. I specifically asked if he talked on the phone with her and he looked me in my eyes and said no. I threw everything out the door and told him to get out bc I know he’s still lying.

He I guess texts her IMMEDIATELY to block me on social media and she does within seconds. Just a friend huh? Then what are you hiding??

I go on our T-Mobile account which I had to try and make a new password for to find out he’s been texting her all day every day for the last 4 months straight. Not just that, but the second he leaves for work HE calls her and they talk for over an hour until she gets there and they walk in together. They synced their schedules so they’re with each other as much as possible. Then he texts her while he’s working and calls her to say goodbye if he doesn’t see her leave and walk out with her.

I am DISGUSTED. IT GETS BETTER.

He tried to block me on the T-Mobile account saying I’m a hacker but I got to the records first. I texted her what a home wrecker she is and how dare she have this relationship with a married man and father. She wouldn’t respond. But texts him asking why I won’t leave her alone. He calls me to leave her alone not to talk to her and not to talk to anyone at work so they don’t find out. He stood up for her. If it was innocent he would have said you can talk to her and she’ll say we’re just friends.

Then he comes home to confess that he’s been heavy flirting with her FOR A YEAR. While I was pregnant and delivering our son. Then he asked for her number while I was barely 1 month postpartum when he went back to work and HE pursued texting her everyday. She obviously responded but he pursued her. Then he started calling her every night starting Christmas eve. And two months in she asked if they should stop bc he’s married (she has a daughter and husband) and he said he wanted to talk to her so bad he lied and said he was separated. She asked why and he said because he didn’t love me anymore. 😓 that hurts the most.

He’s also started binge drinking. He won’t drink often but when he does it’s a whole entire bottle of vodka (literally) or 8+ large can beers. I think he’s lost.

I’m broken beyond belief. I’ve had 4 hours of sleep and not eaten a single thing in 3 days. I love him more than anything and want to work on it but I can’t get over that he called her every night. Worst of all he confided about our marriage, lied to her about me and said he didn’t love me. He texted her all day on my birthday last week and Valentine’s Day. He never wants to do a date night or have alone time. There’s another part of me that says I’m only 25 with two small babies I deserve better I need a divorce. I’m also a stay at home mom do it complicates things even more😭 any one else go through something similar?? Help!