Hate myself

.....I hate myself. I hate the way I look, I hate that I’m over weight, I hate that I’m fat. I hate that I want to kill myself over those small little ass things. I hate it. I want to die. And I hate I can’t do anything about it. No one in my family works out or does anything so I have no motivators. Plus I’m very busy with school all the time and I love in a bad neighborhood so I can’t just go for a walk and Im also anemic so I can’t work out at home or I’ll pass out. I hate that I’m fat. And I’m not one of those skinny girls that think their fat. No I get mad fun of and I where an XL to an XXXL depending on the brand. I’m fat. And I hate my body. I wish I could do something about it but I quit. I wanted to kill myself so bad that’s how much I hate it. And last night I almost did. But my gf talked me out of it but still. It’s sad that I hate my body so much that I wanted to kill myself even tho people have ever worse things going on and I hate myself for that to. I only ate lunch yesterday because I was hungry but while eating I wanted to cry because I’m such a fat ass. And my family is a you will eat or we kill you. Type family. Like they will shove the food down your throat so I have to eat. No one was their for breakfast so I was able to skip that. But at lunch a eat less than I normally do. So I eat about the same as a normal skinny person and for dinner I had 3 tiny sausages (we had breakfast for dinner) and I almost ate a four but my mine keep calling me fat and I hate it. I hate myself and I wish I could stop eating but my family forces it. And I wish I could just die and hope I get reincarnated into a better body in my next life. I just wanna did but my gf would be mad and my family is the type to say that suicide is like a pussy way out or whatever and I don’t want to disappoint them ether. But I really wanna. I really want to die. I just wish I was better with myself. I hate myself.... sorry for ranting. This app is kinda like a diary to me. Just to get things off my chest. Sorry if you wasted your time reading....