Losing my mind and marriage- long- help

Every night without fail my 11.5 month old wakes around 11pm. This part she goes down easily again. About 1.5-3 hours later she’s up again screaming bloody murder . My husband gets up with her changes her diaper (which I think wakes her up even more and makes her more upset) and tries to rock her back to sleep. He usually comes to wake me and says he’s been trying for 90 minutes and she’s awake. I then go in to calm and rock here and at this point I think there’s been too much transition that she’s awake and tired but can’t go back down.

From about 1-4 we’re going back and forth to put her down.

We have tried CIO and she doesn’t respond well. She gets even more upset every time and I get sick to my stomach listening to the blood curdling screams.

In between going back and forth to put her down my husband and I are of course both very tired and end up saying not very nice things to each other. The energy is horrible in these moments too.

I stay home and my husband works so most everyday he’s very tired because of this. Because he’s tired he doesn’t want to have sex or spend any quality time with me. He puts the baby to bed every night (they’re bonding time) and goes straight to bed 9 out of 10 nights.

I’m the type that needs quality time together and I need to have regular sex. We have sex once a month at best.

I’ve brought up divorce and saying I think we should separate. He says he won’t but if it’s something I want I have to do it.

The baby has one nap a day that’s 2-3 hours long. Also has a bedtime routine that we have been doing since 3 months old.

Also gets breastmilk from a bottle and eats before bed.

What. The. Fuck.... do I do....?

I don’t want to lose my marriage but it’s taking a tole like nothing else and I’m feeling very disconnected from my husband. It’s falling apart.

I haven’t lost the baby weight and I’ve gained probably 10-15lbs more from ppd-ppa that’s getting better. I’m pretty sure that plays a huge factor in lack of sex as well.